Monday, October 08, 2007
paranoid freak
my subconscious has a nasty way of playing tricks on me. at least once a night - and sometimes twice - i wake up patting the covers, pillows, and even jordan, looking for my babies. i am convinced they are in bed with us and are smothered in the plethora of fluff on our bed. and it's funny because the "fluff" equals a sheet, a blanket and two pillows. but i guess compared to their sparse accommodations consisting of a white fitted sheet and a 12 inch square open knit blanket (SIDS approved, thank you), our bed is pretty darn cozy. each and every time i wake up, the boys are sleeping soundly and silently in their cribs. but every single night (and i mean EVERY NIGHT) my subconscious thinks otherwise. it's starting to annoy poor jordan, and i truly feel bad and apologize profusely when i realize what i'm doing. but honestly, i can't help myself! is this some weird transition my brain is making now that i am a mother? my protective instincts rearing their heads while i'm trying to relax and we're all most vulnerable? am i some kind of paranoid freak?
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3 comments:
While it doesn't happen as often now, Jay and I both thought the babies were in bed with us/being squished many many times. Especially early on when we were so exhausted and Jay would bring them to me to nurse in bed. In fact, one night he was convinced that Faith was sticking out of the stuffed animal basket, butt up. It was in fact "Goofy" in pants.
Not paranoid at all! OK...maybe we are both just paranoid! I do this too, at least once a night...as does Brook.
But, sometimes I do find them in bed with us! Especially Reid. :)
Even grandmas are paranoid...when your dad and I babysat for them in St. Louis, I was going into the room and feeling them to make sure they were breathing. When I babysat in September in Austin, I would go in and touch them while they were napping. As little ones, they depend on us to look after them so our conscious and sub-conscious are always thinking "are they alright". A mother never rests from concern for her child(ren) no matter how young or old they are!
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