pain in the pubes

i'm a very lucky person to have had such a great pregnancy so far, but i've officially hit a snag. it started about a week ago and i've been struggling since. technically it's called "pubic symphasis dysfunction," but i think my post title sums it up pretty well. it basically feels like there's a knife being jabbed into your pubic bone every time you try and move. what happens is all the relaxin hormones are causing my pelvic joints to expand and open up. my pubic bone is taking the brunt of all this and the ligaments are overstretched and maybe starting to tear/separate. my pelvis is probably misaligned due to all the ridiculous contortions i put it through during years of gymnastics, which doesn't help the problem. and yesterday i learned during our ultrasound that baby a's head is bearing down right on my pubic bone. ouch!

it's all a small price to pay, but i feel pretty debilitated at this point. the good news is it doesn't hurt when i'm laying down or sitting. the bad news is i can barely walk. i've found that going backwards is less painful than going forwards, so i moonwalk about the house when i have to use the bathroom or get food/water. it's pretty darn funny! i am seeing a chiropractor and hopefully will get some relief with more treatments. j has been truly amazing waiting on me and making me as comfortable as possible. and my mom and dad just left after a 5 day visit - there is nothing like having your mom's comfort to make you feel like all will be better.

wonderful friends

my beautiful friend anne threw us an amazing shower in austin on dec. 17. it was intimate, low-key and complete with many of my wonderful friends and colleagues. unfortunately i brought our digital camera with a dead battery, so i'll have to wait for other pictures to come in to post.

anne organized one of the more touching activities i've been a part of to date - i'll call it "bead intentions." a bowl full of beads were passed around the room and when it came to you, you picked a bead and stated a wish, intention or words of wisdom for the boys (or me and j), and then threaded the bead on a leather string. i was truly touched by every word that was spoken and overwhelmed (to tears, of course!) by the love and wisdom of all the women in the room. my friends shared some very practical nuggets like "silence is never good when it comes to two little boys;" to heartfelt experiences like "even though it will feel overwhelming, no book, video or instructor will be able to tell you exactly what to do when your babies arrive. these are your babies, you created them, and you must trust your intuition to be your guide."

since i've been focusing more and more on the birth of these babes, one comment particularly hit home for me. "labor and birth and the few weeks after are the most miraculous, beautiful and wonderful times. savor these moments. people may tell you that it's painful and overwhelming and hard, but really it's magical." i love this sentiment. i've thought about it a lot. we have the priveledge of experiencing our sons at this precious time only once in our lives, and i'm looking forward to every second of it.

i plan on keeping my string of beads with me, and all the beautiful intentions and energy of my friends, throughout the labor and birth of our boys. i feel truly blessed.

so much to post...

this is what happens when i wait too long between posts. so much happens and i want to capture it all - and then some things start slipping away the more i wait. normal memory loss compounded by the scientific fact that a pregnant woman's brain shrinks 11 percent during gestation makes for frustrating blogging. i'll try my best, though...

tarot reading

i had a tarot reading last night at j's office holiday party. i actually took it seriously and concentrated on a key question while shuffling the deck. my question was what our birth experience would be like and the results were very affirming. the cards read:

1. you are in control of your boundaries: meaning there won't be any emergencies or situations that i can't make decisions about. i will be able to set the course of action for the birth (i.e. drug-free, etc).
2. clear your past: i need to free myself of any fears or worries i have from past experiences or thoughts. this is an interesting one, especially because we learned that most women will have at least one time during labor where things aren't progressing and their doula or midwife will ask them what they are fearful of. once they confront this and let it out, their labor progresses!
3. back to basics: we'll have a labor and birth that is exactly that - back to the basics of what women have been doing for thousands and thousands of years.
4. use your spiritual guides: that i'll have my spiritual "helpers" gathered around me for this event and i can call on them for strength and guidance.

i love these affirmations! i'm going to keep them close to me from here on out. since so many unexpected things happen during labor and birth, it will be interesting to compare what really happens to this prediction.

30 weeks and going strong

i look forward to going to the doctor every week for my dose of peace of mind. this friday was no exception - everything is looking great! i'm steadily gaining weight (about a pound a week), my blood pressure is good, babies' heartbeats are going strong and my cervix remains long and closed (this is very important in terms of pre-term labor). my belly is now measuring 36 weeks, so i continue to consistently look about 5-6 weeks ahead of where i'm really at. i have to say that this was my biggest fear early on in the pregnancy - i literally had several panic attacks thinking i would be gigantic at this point. i'm sure i'll get to the point where i feel like a beached whale, but so far i've avoided the obnoxious comments from strangers like "you must be about to pop any minute now," etc. if anything, it's been the opposite - most people say, "you don't look that big considering you have two babies in there." and believe me, when i hear that i feel very, very grateful and lucky.

this week i altered my work schedule so i'm now telecommuting 3.5 days a week. it's nearly impossible for me to make it through a full day at the office, and if i try, i really pay for it. again, i couldn't be more grateful for my bosses and their understanding and flexibility! i get tired and uncomfortable pretty quickly now, especially if i'm on my feet or sitting for a while. my body really likes being horizontal! also i noticed last night that my feet have grown about 1/2 a size. i put on my favorite (new mind you!) heels to where to j's office holiday party, and they were clearly too short. drats! i'm also occassionally getting some reflux in the middle of the night and have to take a few tums for relief. i'd say it happens a few times a week, so not too bad in the grand scheme of things. and this morning j pronounced after a stretch mark inspection that the linea nigra finally appeared! still stretch mark free, but i can't imagine coming through this totally unscathed.

no book has ever mentioned this one!

i've entitled my funniest and strangest sensation to date "hiccups in the butt." enough said.

these boys are crazy!

i know i've talked about the boys' movement before, but it's borderline ridiculous now. and i thought as you got further along in your third trimester and they started running out of room, their movement would decrease...silly me! they're vigorously trying to make more space for themselves - especially baby a, who has now taken over the crown of nutball from his brother. sometimes i feel like that carnival game where as soon as one head pops up, you hit it down with a hammer to find another popping up somewhere else. the more heads you hit, the more points you score. with the boys, one foot will all of a sudden stick out from my stomach, and as soon as i put my hand over it and rub it, another limb sticks out somewhere else! it's comical and delightful, and sometimes quite uncomfortable, especially when they hit an organ.

dreams

i'm a vivid dreamer as it is, but i have to tell you, nothing comes close to the dreams i've had since these babies entered the picture. last night i dreamt we went to the hospital and checked into the labor and delivery room. it was like a mcdonalds from the late 70s, all burnt orange, mustard, rust and brown. i was a little taken aback by the decor, but once i saw the giant hot tub, separate shower and another bath tub, i was pretty psyched! i started to unpack, which mainly consisted of finding a mini-fridge for all of the farmers market produce jordan had brought. we're talking the most beautiful red peppers, eggplant, and celery you've ever seen. i was in my glory knowing we had all these beautiful veggies to cook during our stay. in scoping out the place, i also managed to find a breast pump and my curiosity got the best of me. i put it together, hooked myself up to it and turned it on - and magically milk was coming out (mind you i hadn't even had the babies yet). i was so thrilled! mom and jordan then came into the room and i had this sudden realization that this might all be premature - i hadn't had one contraction yet, and here we were in the hospital. i started to get concerned about this...and then i woke up. bring on the interpretations, my friends!

double twin labor

i've made friends with two other expecting twin mamas in austin. we're all having boys...imagine that play date! both are being induced today, one at 37 and one at 38 weeks. i'm sending them both all my thoughts and energy for a wonderful labor and the safe arrival of their beautiful babes! these mom's are incredible women and sitting here at 29 weeks now, i'm in absolute awe of them each carrying two babies this long. woot woot!

last week's drama

before i say anything more, we're all doing great, feeling good and thriving. so the story has a very happy ending, which i'm writing at the beginning.

last sunday i felt a strange pain in my right lower side. upon laying down and prodding a little, i realized it was pretty darn tender. so i called my doc the next day, which i've learned to have no hesitation about (mother's instinct?), and he wanted me to come in immediately. after the examination, he was very concerned about appendicitis (i also had a fever of 100 - but felt fine other than the tenderness), so off i rushed to get blood work and to see a surgeon. my white blood count was on the high side, but the surgeon wasn't convinced i had a problem with my appendix, so i was released home but told to come back the next morning. more blood tests, urine test, and another exam the next day, and i was given a clean bill. whew!

the good thing that came of this is i learned what excellent care i have. my ob was all over it, and called me several times on my cell phone to see how i was doing. the surgeon was incredible and actually gave me his home phone just in case i worsened over the night. i just didn't believe doctors were like that anymore! we all are feeling much better now and i believe the tenderness is just due to these munchkins smooshing and scrunching all the organs in my belly. the sacrifice a mother makes...