good enough to eat

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boobie monologues

i had this idealistic notion about breastfeeding while i was pregnant. i thought it would be this serene, beautiful, as-nature-intended action. and while nursing two would add a second dimension to it, what would stop me from tandem nursing?

the reality of breastfeeding, for me, has been a shot in the arm. albeit i sit here today, at 5.5 weeks post silverboys birthday, able to tandem nurse at every feeding and provide the boys mom's milk exclusively. but i'll tell you this, it hasn't been a walk in the park.

because the boys were technically born as preemies just shy of 36 weeks, they lacked the strong sucking motion of a full-term babe. they could still nurse, and did from day 1, they just weren't stimulating my milk to come in. so i pumped. and pumped. 8-10 times a day to replicate what a strong nursing baby would feel like. but no milk came in. after 7 days of no milk, i started getting desperate thinking i wouldn't be able to breastfeed the boys. it was a rollercoaster i care not to repeat. i talked to lactation specialists, our doula, and wonderful friends who assured me life would go on and our boys would be perfectly healthy if we had to formula feed them. of course, all the books you read say that any normally functioning woman can produce enough milk for their babies. i have grown to be disenchanted with this kind of dogma. i started to feel like a failure.

it wasn't until the boys 2 week birthday that my milk came in. i don't know what did it - maybe all the herbal lactation tinctures and teas? all the pumping? nursing the boys even though they were barely getting anything (and trust me, they were frustrated to suck on a boob with no gratification!)? whatever it was, my prayers were answered.

since then, it's been a journey to teach the boys to be better nursers. with the help of silicone nipple shields, it's become a lot easier. at our last lactation appt. we discovered i had a fast "let down," which means when the boys start sucking, the milk comes out really fast at first. i went from no milk, to too much milk, and it was overwhelming to the boys. the shields help them control how much milk they take in, similar to a bottle nipple. last week we achieved tandem nursing (both of them "on" at the same time), and we are now starting to ween them off their supplemental bottle (they've been each getting about an once of pumped milk as part of their feed). i'm also weening myself from this foresaken pump, as i've been cleared to transition to pumping every other feeding (down from EVERY feed!). in some ways, it feels like i'm going through a separation and divorce! of course, weening the boys from their supplement means possibly more nursing sessions per day, but i'm willing to give it a try.

along the way i've experienced lots of tenderness, plugged ducts, tons of frustration and heart ache, but ultimate success. it hasn't been easy, i've felt like quitting, but i'm really pround of myself and boys for sticking with it. i've also learned that what i experienced isn't the most uncommon thing in the world, especially for preemie babies. thanks to the amazing support of our hospital's lactation department, where i've received FREE consultations (as many as i need/want), and the support of my family and friends, i've been able to do this. i've also realized that while it's awesome to be able to nurse our boys and give them this nutrition, it's not the end-all-be-all that some folks make it out to be. you ultimately need to do what works for you and your family.

p.s. i was pumping the whole time i wrote this thanks to my porno tube top (aka hands-free pumping bra)!

hangin' in our radio flyer

the mohrlein-anderberg clan got the boys the ultimate lil' boys accessory! we can't wait to wheel them around in their wagon, especially in the 4th of july parade...hooray!

abel in grey; oz in white

a

too much love

it's hard to imagine life without these guys. we stare at them for hours, kiss them more times in a day then we've ever kissed anything our entire lives, and take in their smell as if it were our last breath. my mother-in-law says they're delicious. i agree - i want to gobble them up every day!

ozzy's sensitive-man portrait

ozzy showing off his double chin and receding hair line (left) and aj plotting to take over the world

aj in surprise and delight

sweet sleep

now that the boys are one month old and have broken the 6 and 7 lb mark (abel weighed in at 6lb 8oz and oz is 7lb 2oz), our doc gave us the go-ahead to let them sleep longer stretches at night. up 'til now, we have been following a 3-hour feeding schedule, even at night. you can imagine how hard it's been to force everyone to get up at midnight, 3am and 6am when we all need our beauty sleep! last night the boys slept a 4 and 4.5 hour stretch, which translated into wonderful stretches of sweet dreams for us all.

it was glorious!!! i never imagined how much i would treasure 4 hours of snooze.

both j and i have suffered from moments of delerium during the 3-hour night schedule, including thinking we have already fed and diapered the boys when they are still fast asleep, as well as j thinking he has been snuggling with one of the boys when they are cozy in their co-sleeper. we had no delerious moments last night, so hopefully we have experienced the last of them.

fool me three times?!?!

we all know the old cliche, "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me." well i'd like a revision. i've been fooled three times with our lil' abel. yes, we're talking pee here. and yes, we're talking three times being sprayed in the same diaper change. i didn't think it was possible, but clearly this boy has reserves! it hit my forehead, my glasses, my chest, the changing station, the dresser, and when i looked up, the window and the blinds! i'm sure all moms with little boys have their pee stories. but this one left me laughing hysterically in a fit of disbelief and my own gaul at thinking i could outwit multiple streams.

on another note, ozzy and aj are now over three weeks and we are ridiculously proud at how well they are growing. yesterday ozzy weighed in at 6lb 9oz and last friday abel was at 5lb 11oz. abel has had a voracious appetite, so i think he's grown quite a bit since then. i can't wait until he breaks the 6lb mark. it's amazing how you can get so excited about something as small as an once!

here are two pics from our photo shoot last week. gotta run...the boys are calling for their 3 pm feeding!

oz on left, abel on right

two weeks old!

the boys turned two weeks old yesterday and we have all settled in to happy family status. it's truly hard to believe that 14 days have passed - it is going WAY too fast!

here we all are after a nice long walk around the neighborhood (yes, it feels amazing to be able to move around like a normal person again!)

oskar hersh

oskar hersh
(aka ozzy, oz-man, tiger, big o, chunky monkey, block head)

loves: stretching, playing footsie and touch down with his arms, making kissy faces, getting kisses from matilda, manicures

hates: bath-time (mom is not giving up hope)

notes: by his two-week birthday, ozzy regained his birth weight of 5lb 7 oz and then some. he now weighs 5lb 9oz and his head grew a whopping centimeter (j is one proud papa). oz has a really strong neck and can already hold his head up for extended periods of time (which is a good thing, thanks to that huge head of his!). he's a very mellow guy and just likes to hang out and go with the flow. he didn't even cry during his heel prick at the doc's office. he sleeps great and rarely fusses, except while getting a bath. i'm not surprised given the fact that everytime i took a bath while pregnant, ozzy was a wild man!

abel jacob

abel jacob
(aka a.j., a.b., squawk box, abel j, feist bucket)

loves: bath-time, making kissy faces, massages, the swing, eating, the soothie, being read too, walks in the bjorn

hates: being changed (especially the poopy variety), being woken up (who doesn't!)

notes: by his two-week birthday, abel stunned us all with his growth. he weighed in at 5lb 1 oz, up from his birth weight of 4lb 13oz. clearly this boy loves to eat! even though abel was mellow in the womb, he's definitely a rambunctous one. he's fiesty as all get out when he wakes up but calms down really fast. he's very articulate with his hands and fingers and loves to hold his ears, almost a "hear no evil" pose. he sleeps like a champ. he loves the water and just hangs out in the tub. he also burps like a truck driver! abel loves to talk and will just lay in his crib entertaining himself and his brother with all sorts of sounds.

skin to skin

welcome silverboys!

we are so thrilled and proud to announce the birth of our two boys:

abel jacob (AJ) was born at 3:38am on saturday, january 27, 2007
4lb 13oz and 17.5 inches

oskar (ozzy) hersh was born at 4:48am on saturday, january 27, 2007
5lb 7oz and 19 inches

we were all happily released from the hospital on wednesday afternoon and have been getting the hang of it at home. everything is going amazing! these boys are absolutely wonderful - good sleepers, good eaters and so darn beautiful.

i'm anxious to post more but for now wanted to get the basics up. we are so grateful to all of our amazing family and friends for their love and support during this miracle!

Silverbabies Are Coming!

Hi there, it's not Tracey -- it's Anne. Typing for Tracey who's on the other end of the phone! Here's what she says:

We're all set in the hospital -- the doctor decided to induce. We started pitocin around 2pm this afternoon and should have our Silverbabies with us tonight or early tomorrow morning. Yea!

(Note: Tracey sounds totally calm, and Jordan's getting there.)

sleeping, eating and burping

the life of a newborn, no? well in my case, i think i've regressed to these very basic functions dominating my life. i'm sleeping a lot, at least 10 hours a night, and i wouldn't be surprised if i start adding naps to my daytime routine. i just can't get enough zzz's. hey, i'll take it while i can get it! i'm thinking my body is also storing up energy. and speaking of energy, i'm still able to eat quite a bit. while i definitely feel the boys high up in my ribs and stomach, it hasn't relegated me to super-tiny meals. so i'm trying to give the boys lots of protein in these last few weeks and me lots of good carbs for the marathon that can be labor and delivery. as far as the burping goes, this has been by far my funniest symptom and i've had it the entire pregnancy. i've become a champion belcher and have even achieved the coveted burping-and-talking-simultaneously status that all teenagers strive for. what's even funnier is that, just like a newborn, the action of moving to a vertical status forces them out. so while i'm laying on my side, i'm pretty benign. but watch out when i stand up!

big boys

we had our 35 week ultrasound yesterday and the boys are bigger than we anticipated - a baby is 5lb 12oz an b baby is 5lb 7oz. yipee!!! i can't believe i have over 11 lbs of baby in me, but boy my body sure believes it. i can really feel the weight of these guys in my stomach and my muscles that surround them are super-fatigued when i move/walk around (which isn't much!). also, my belly is stretching so much now that the skin is getting pretty itchy. so i'm lube-ing up with vit. e and cocoa butter more than ever. when i go to the doctor now, everyone says "maybe we'll see you next week." i still have this feeling that we'll reach our 36 week goal, but it's truly starting to sink in that these boys can come any moment now and we are thrilled beyond belief!

almost to 35

on tuesday we hit week 35. it seems so surreal and both jordan and i have this sense of calm about the possibility of labor happening any day now. the boys have their growth ultrasound on tuesday, but i know they are big and strong enough that if they were born today, they'd be just fine. my guess is that they're at least 5 lbs each now! i had my last "twin" appointment at the perinatal group on thursday, and while my cervix is still closed and long, laura noticed it had softened quite a bit. the next morning, i lost my "plug" - essentially a ball of mucusy snot that covers your cervix during pregnancy. labor could still be weeks away when you lose your plug, but still it marks good progression! i then saw dr. love friday afternoon and he seems to think i'll go into labor in the next week or two. my blood pressure is still borderline high, but he's being very calm and non-reactionary about it (thank god!). if it goes up dramatically, or if i have any preeclampsia symptoms (protein in urine, headaches, blurred vision, etc.), we'll need to talk about inducing labor and having these babies. the good news is even if this does happen, it won't affect us having a normal vaginal delivery. i still have some loose ends to tie up at work, so i'm going to try and finish all that today, just in case these boys decide to come this week. i know i'll feel much better heading into week 35 and 36 with nothing hanging over me.

wilson!

i have officially named my belly wilson. remember the volleyball that was tom hanks companion in that weird but oddly captivating movie "cast away?" yes, that's right, my belly has a remarkable resemblance to that character. just the right size and proportion, and decorated very similar. i know this isn't the most pleasant image, but i have some broken blood vessels and yes, finally some stretch marks, that radiate upwards from my ballooned belly button - just like wilson's hair! so while i'm stranded on preggo island, i have my friend wilson to always keep me company and keep me (relatively) sane. and while sometimes when i look in the mirror i'm tempted to hurl my wilson out the window, i know, just like tom hanks, i'd be lost without him.

ice storm 07

our 34 week goal is punctuated by some pretty wicked weather today. freezing temps mixed with any precipitation makes a pretty nasty combination in austin. no one quite knows what to do, except to shut down the city and stay cozy warm at home. and you wouldn't want to venture out because the folks who are out have never driven in winter weather before. so today we are very happy - we have reached a very significant benchmark with the boys and we get to celebrate it by just relaxing and watching it snow and ice outside. what more could two chicagoans living in texas want?!

33 weeks (plus 2 days)

there's an interesting similarity between the first and third trimester where you become an obsessive day counter. early on, the days can't tick by fast enough until your out of the first 12 weeks and in the safety zone. now the days can't tick by fast enough until these boys are out of my belly and into our arms (safety zone again!). 34 weeks is a huge benchmark for us, as the boys will be well-developed and could very safely arrive if they so choose. in fact, once we hit 34 weeks, our doctor wouldn't stop labor if it started! now we also have a personal goal for team silverbabies to get to 36 weeks - jan. 30. this is considered full-term for twins and chances that we'd be able to take the boys home with us are very good.

i see the doctors twice a week now - early in the week is my "twin" appointment at the perinatal group and fridays i see my regular ob. since my blood pressure has been on the high side, i'm getting biophysical profiles of the boys every week. this is very non-invasive and includes monitoring their heartrates for about 15 minutes and then a quick ultrasound to check amniotic levels, breathing, movements, etc. we had our first one last tuesday and the boys passed with flying colors. i think as long as they look healthy and continue to thrive, my doc won't do anything drastic about the blood pressure. of course i LOVED seeing the boys again and they are both head down still (literally "butting heads") with their backs facing my belly. this is the perfect position for delivery, so keep your fingers crossed they're comfy and stay there.

physically i'm uncomfortable but definitely hanging in there. i'm still measuring at 39 weeks and my pubic discomfort has let up a little (or i'm just tolerating the pain more). because of my high blood pressure, i'm laying down a lot. it always drops to normal as soon as i hit horizontal. i feel best in the mornings, so i try and take advantage of this to accomplish most of what i need to be upright for. all in all, i'm doing very good, my spirits are high and i'm so optimistic about finally meeting our lil' guys!

good friends

here's a pic from my shower in austin. i love these ladies!

belly at 32 weeks

we had our 32 week "twin" check up yesterday and i'm now officially measuring at 39 weeks. my belly is almost at full term (but trust me, it feels beyond full term to me)! everything is looking good and the boys hearbeats sounded great. my blood pressure has increased a bit over the past few weeks and my diastolic is now around 80, where it used to be 60. everything else is fine, though, so the docs aren't worried about hypertension. keep your fingers crossed we continue to sail smoothly for another 4 weeks. our goal date for these guys is january 30, which is our 36 week mark. anything after that will be gravy! here i am in the boys room - i'll take more shots of their room and post soon. it's almost finished, thanks to mom doing an amazing amount of work washing their clothes and linens and organizing over christmas, and dad's work-of-art hand built changing station (see below). but i really need to sing the praises of j, who put this fantastic room together pretty much single-handedly. he's already an amazing dad and the boys aren't even here yet!

our new years eve tradition

j and i started a new years eve tradition 4 years ago in chicago as an alternative to the frenzied new years scene. we cook live lobsters and indulge in a decadent dinner and then relax, reminisce, watch a movie, etc. this year we took it to a new level and added alaskan king crab legs to the mix. i think we hit the jackpot. here's the evolution of our dinner (i'm missing 2004 for some reason).

our first year in chicago (2003):


2005 in chicago celebrating with j's mom, nancy:


2006 in austin:


we can't wait for our 2007 feast with our boys!

remembering 2006

it is especially exciting for us to welcome 2007 knowing that this is the year our boys will be born! we say goodbye to 2006 - a year certainly full of all sorts of joy and celebration, but also some times of uncertainty and transition.

we moved into a new house in july and not more than 2 weeks later our special cat samson was gone. sam was amazing. we were brought together when i was in grad school in oregon and i swear, it was like we lived a past life together. definitely more dog than cat, sam would come when called, liked to go for walks (to the corner grocery even!), and just had this totally cool demeanor that defied characterization. you could bring him anywhere and he would adapt. he was a total lover, an awesome hunter (at one point he raided a possum's nest and i was cleaning up baby possums in the yard for weeks), matilda's best friend, and even jordan will admit, the man of the house. we called him sammy, samurai, samsonitis, sam the man, handsome samson, sam sun son and sweet sam. sam was my constant companion from living in oregon, moving to dallas, austin, st. louis, chicago and back to austin. he saw me through my 20s and made sure that i ended up in a great place, with a wonderful husband and two lil' guys on the way before leaving. our new house backs up to the greenbelt and there have been numerous coyote sightings and cats missing around us. we choose to believe this is how sam moved on - the circle of the life. i truly miss our "little man in the fur suit" and am forever grateful that he blessed our lives for as long as he did. we'll never forget you.

samson althans silverman, september 1996 - july 2006


if losing sam wasn't enough, we also had the scare of losing matilda in 2006. after our move i noticed a small pea-sized lump on her side. thinking it could be anything, i kept my eye on it over the next month and noticed it doubled in size. the vet did some tests and it came back as a mast cell tumor, a particularly awful and invasive cancer. they did surgery right away but the lab analysis came back showing they hadn't removed it all. another surgery later, the lab came back clean and mati's been great ever since. we keep a close eye on her body looking for any signs of more growths and so far so good. she handled the surgeries like a champion, bouncing back from them usually in a day and back to her energetic, happy self. her frankenstein scars have taken a while to fade and for the hair to grow back. she's as beautiful as ever now, but we'll never forget this crazy time when we were unsure of what was going to happen to our girl.



we hope 2007 is full of health and happiness for you and all of the wonderful animal souls that make our world a much better place!